Your Brain is just wired that way.

Photo by Alexandie C pinterest.

Have you ever asked yourself why you tend to mostly remember unhappy times and unhappy memories? The times when you felt hurt. Well, here's a simple characteristic of the brain, memory, and emotions. When you go through something heavy and very emotional, your brain lights up. It releases chemicals that basically say, “This is important, don’t forget it.” That’s why those memories stick like glue. It’s called Arousal theory. Your brain holds onto the loud moments, not always the good ones, but the ones that shook you. So no, you're not weak for remembering the pain, it’s just how we’re wired.

We all need to remember this truth. Sometimes, the way we remember things isn’t exactly how they happened. Memory isn’t just a perfect recording of the past. It’s emotional. It’s messy and trust me, it’s influenced by many things.

Sometimes you might feel so confident about seeing someone somewhere, and your story seems perfect. But actually, you've mixed up two or even more events. This is what your brain does. It remembers something, but gets the source wrong. You might mix people, places, or timelines. It’s like your mind grabs puzzle pieces and tries to force a picture that doesn’t quite fit.

So let's say you see two of your friends having an argument. If someone else says that they had such a huge argument, you will start remembering their argument as being more extreme than it actually was. This happens because someone else's words, opinions, or even just a question, change how you remember something. Your memory gets rewritten without you even realizing it, just because of what someone said or how they said it.

Did you know that your current mood, beliefs, or experiences can actually shape how you remember past events? If you feel down now, you might look back and see the past as darker than it really was. Your brain filters memory through how you feel now, not just what happened then.

So yeah, the past might feel clear, but it’s not always accurate. And knowing this? It can help you be a little kinder to yourself. Because sometimes, what you’re holding onto, isn't even the full truth.

We always forget that as you learn and experience more in life, your perspective shifts, and so does your view of the past. A memory that once felt painful might soften over time as you gain new insights or wisdom. You may even begin to see the lessons within those challenging experiences, realizing that they helped shape who you are today.

You know, understanding how memory works isn’t just another interesting trivia. It changes the way we carry our stories. You might be holding onto something that feels heavy like regret, embarrassment, or anger and not realizing that the memory itself may not be as clear-cut as you think. And the thought that “maybe it wasn’t exactly like that,” can open the door to healing.

When you know your brain tends to amplify emotional moments, it helps you stop treating every painful memory like a concrete fact. Maybe someone didn’t ignore you because they hated you, maybe your brain just highlighted that moment because it hurt. Maybe a certain season in your life wasn’t entirely awful, even though it feels that way now. It could be that the good parts got buried under the bad simply because the pain spoke louder.

This doesn’t mean your feelings weren’t real or that they aren't valid. They were and they still are. But feelings aren’t always the full story. Letting that sink in can make it easier to forgive others and yourself, to make peace with parts of your past, and to stop beating yourself up for things you “should’ve known better” about.

Sometimes healing begins by realizing that I’m remembering pain, not the full picture. And that’s okay.

Bestie, breathe and be patient with yourself. You’re not broken for remembering pain. You’re just human.

PS (Don't shy away from seeking help when you feel like your past is getting too loud.)

Before you go...

What memory have you been carrying around for years that you're now starting to see differently

I’d love to hear from you.

Cozy Space with Cherry.

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