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I've been thinking about something a lot lately, and that is approval addiction. Not just any kind I’m talking about the kind that hits closest to home, which is approval from the people we love.
You’ve probably seen it show up in little ways like “How do I look in this?” “Do you think this hairstyle suits me?” “Should I really go for that job?” And then in the big stuff, Choosing a career, who to marry, what to invest in, whether to stay, leave, try again, or give up.
Yes, yes, I know, most of us will defend it by saying, “I just value their opinion, they’re family.” And sure, that might be true. But be honest with yourself for a second is it really about their opinion? Or are you waiting for their approval before you make a move?
When you're just looking for someone’s opinion, you listen with an open mind. You’re not waiting to be validated or told you’re right, you’re simply hearing their take. You can agree or not, and still walk away confident in your own choice. But when you’re seeking approval, that’s a whole different story. Suddenly, their opinion feels like a stamp of worth. If they don’t agree, it shakes you. You start doubting yourself and overthinking, and you end up not choosing what you want just to hear a “yes” and to get applauded by them.
Approval addiction is like squeezing yourself into a dress that’s a size too small. You can’t breathe, you’re uncomfortable the whole time, but you wear it anyway, hoping someone says, “Wow, you look amazing.” that's cool and all, but at what cost? Your comfort? Your peace? That’s a big no.
Here's the thing, seeking approval can be sneaky. It can start off as an innocent question: “Do you think this is a good idea?”.But deep down, you’re already hoping for a certain answer. So when they don’t give it? You’re crushed. Not because they were mean, but because they didn’t give you the validation you were depending on. Wild, right? But it’s also real.
No shame. No judgment.
We’ve all been there.
Wanting to feel seen isn’t wrong. That need is part of being human. From a young age, we learned to look at the people around us especially the people we loved to know whether we were doing okay. Did mom smile? Did dad nod in approval? Great. If they didn’t? Here comes the anxiety.
It made sense back then. But somewhere along the way, a lot of us didn’t learn how to shift out of that pattern. So now, as adults, we still find ourselves reaching for a sense of “okay-ness” through someone else’s opinion. And when they don’t see it the way we hope? It feels like a personal rejection. Even if they weren’t trying to hurt us.
Sometimes we confuse disagreement with disappointment. Or silence with disapproval. But not every “I wouldn’t do that” is an attack. It might just be a different perspective. It only starts feeling like a threat when we tie our self-worth to their response, yeap I said what I said!!
Wanna know what’s Been Helping Me Break That Habit?
One thing I’ve been trying to do, is checking in with myself before asking someone for their opinion. Like, really checking in. I ask myself, “Am I just looking for guidance and an opinion right now? Or am I hoping they’ll clap for me and tell me I’m doing the right thing?”
If I realize I’m leaning more toward the second, I don't go ahead to seek their opinion, I stop. Because not everything needs to be discussed. Sometimes it just needs to be decided.
Another thing that’s helped? Reminding myself that not everyone needs to agree with my decisions for them to be valid. Honestly, some of my best choices were met with awkward silence or raised eyebrows. And guess what? I survived. In fact, I grew and thrived.
And on the days I still feel like seeking approval, because let’s be honest, this isn’t a snap of a finger fix. I try to be patient with myself without piling on shame.
What's one decision you've made that others didn't fully get but you knew was right for you?
I’d love to hear from you.
Thanks a bunch for sticking around.See you next time, bye!🤎
Wanting to feel seen isn’t wrong. That need is part of being human. From a young age, we learned to look at the people around us especially the people we loved to know whether we were doing okay. Did mom smile? Did dad nod in approval? Great. If they didn’t? Here comes the anxiety.
It made sense back then. But somewhere along the way, a lot of us didn’t learn how to shift out of that pattern. So now, as adults, we still find ourselves reaching for a sense of “okay-ness” through someone else’s opinion. And when they don’t see it the way we hope? It feels like a personal rejection. Even if they weren’t trying to hurt us.
Sometimes we confuse disagreement with disappointment. Or silence with disapproval. But not every “I wouldn’t do that” is an attack. It might just be a different perspective. It only starts feeling like a threat when we tie our self-worth to their response, yeap I said what I said!!
Wanna know what’s Been Helping Me Break That Habit?
One thing I’ve been trying to do, is checking in with myself before asking someone for their opinion. Like, really checking in. I ask myself, “Am I just looking for guidance and an opinion right now? Or am I hoping they’ll clap for me and tell me I’m doing the right thing?”
If I realize I’m leaning more toward the second, I don't go ahead to seek their opinion, I stop. Because not everything needs to be discussed. Sometimes it just needs to be decided.
Another thing that’s helped? Reminding myself that not everyone needs to agree with my decisions for them to be valid. Honestly, some of my best choices were met with awkward silence or raised eyebrows. And guess what? I survived. In fact, I grew and thrived.
And on the days I still feel like seeking approval, because let’s be honest, this isn’t a snap of a finger fix. I try to be patient with myself without piling on shame.
See you next time, bye!🤎