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It’s funny how easy it is to disappear without even leaving the room. You can sit right there, alive and breathing, yet the whole time you're thinking to yourself, “I hope nobody notices me.”
Lately, I’ve realized that this fear of being seen and the equally exhausting fear of people’s perception is something I’ve been carrying around. And the more I look around, the more I see I’m not the only one. A lot of us are terrified of standing in the light, of being misunderstood.
Most of our fear isn’t about people actually saying something cruel. It’s the noise in our own heads. We imagine someone whispering, or rolling their eyes at us, and suddenly we’re sweating as if it’s already happening. And for some, this fear isn’t even ours. Many of us grew up being fed on warnings, “Don’t be too loud, people will think you’re rude.” “Don’t dress like that, what will people say?” “Don’t talk about your ideas.” " Don't ask for help, they'll think you're weak!"
Instead of being taught confidence, we were trained to rehearse how others might see us. It’s like our worth was in the hands of the court of public opinion before we even knew who we were. No wonder, as adults, standing out feels like breaking a sacred family rule.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but we’re not that important. I mean, yes, we matter. But not in the“everyone is watching me” fantasy. People have their own deadlines, heartbreaks, grocery lists, and insecurities. They don’t have time to sit and analyze how awkwardly you waved or how shaky your voice was. If they notice at all, they’ll forget fast and move on.
And even when we are seen, it doesn’t mean we’ve been cracked wide open. Being visible doesn’t mean being completely vulnerable. You don’t have to spill every detail of your life to exist confidently in public. It’s more like opening a window, you get to decide how wide it goes. In short, you have the power to choose...
I know I know, sometimes it's tricky to remember that when someone judges you, it often reflects more about them than about you. A person who finds you “too much” might actually be someone who’s scared of being too little. Someone who calls you “boring” might be projecting their own restlessness. Perception is filtered through personal biases, past experiences, beliefs and even insecurities. That’s why one person might think you’re inspiring while another thinks you’re annoying. Same you, but different mirrors.
The temptation then is to hide, because invisibility feels safe, but it’s expensive. Opportunities pass you by. Relationships never deepen because you never really show up. Your creativity shrinks because you’re too scared to share it. You start doubting your own potential because you never gave yourself the chance to test it. Playing small, which is often covered under the umbrella of "being humble," doesn’t protect you, it robs you of every amazing thing you deserve.
Of course, none of this means you have to throw yourself into the harshest spotlight immediately. Confidence builds in safe spaces. You can start small by sharing a thought with a trusted friend, post that imperfect blog, wear the outfit you’ve been hiding in the closet, or get that hairstyle that you really want. These little acts of visibility prepare you for bigger ones.
One thing I've also heard people say is, "What if I mess up, what will people say and think of me?" Not gonna lie, but one of the fastest ways to suffocate yourself is to equate your work with your worth. If someone criticizes your results, they’re not criticizing you as a person. If someone doesn’t like what you create, it doesn’t mean you’re talentless. You need to remember that your work is your output, not your identity.
We can listen to motivational videos, read all the articles and blogs about getting over the fear of being seen and the fear of perception, but it doesn’t matter unless we act. We can start with doing one thing this week that scares us in the “being seen” department. Say what you usually keep quiet, publish something imperfect, go after that opportunity, and make that dream a reality. Let’s stop waiting to be fearless and let's just do it scared.
So here’s to stepping out of the shadows and realizing that the world doesn’t end when we’re noticed. Sometimes, it actually begins there...
Do you believe hiding keeps you humble, or is that just the story you’ve been told?
I’d love to hear from you.
Thanks a bunch for sticking around.
See you next time, bye!🤎