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And I'm okay with it!!
I’m pretty sure some of you have heard someone say things like, “You’re difficult to love, you’re difficult to talk to, you’re a difficult friend. Maybe also, you’re difficult to read, understand, and relate with.” Those words sting. They sit in your chest like tiny thorns, and the more you replay them, the deeper they sink. It’s honestly not just one comment, it’s the kind of thing that lingers in the back of your mind.
You live your whole life feeling incomplete, like there’s something wrong with you. You start questioning everything about yourself. Am I really that hard to love? Maybe if I spoke differently. Maybe if I weren't so opinionated. It becomes a game of adjustments, shaving off little pieces of yourself, hoping that if you become softer, quieter, smaller, maybe someone will finally look at you and say, “Oh, now you’re easy, now you're fun.”
Until one day... You don't!
I came to realize that people say these things because “difficult” is often just another word for different. It’s not that you’re unlovable, it’s just that you love in ways people aren’t used to. It’s not that you’re hard to talk to, it’s just that you refuse to engage in empty chatter and prefer meaningful conversations. When someone says, “You’re difficult to understand,” it could simply mean they haven’t taken the time to actually listen. Most times, “you’re difficult” comes from people who want the easy version of you. You know, the one that doesn’t challenge them, doesn’t say no, doesn’t stand firmly in her values. And when you don’t play along, you get labeled.
Finally, I made peace with being called difficult. Why? Because I refuse to lower my standards. I refuse to pretend. I refuse to follow every hype and lose myself in the process. I refuse to fall into the trap of “sameziis.” You know the trend: people trying to have the same body type, same personality, same interests, same hobbies, same dreams. It’s like originality has been put on clearance sale. Being different, in such a culture, gets you the label of “weird” or “difficult.” And honestly? That’s fine. If standing my ground, knowing what I like, and refusing to shrink myself makes me difficult, then I’ll take that title with a smile and maybe even frame it, lol!
So, I decided to embrace the so-called “difficult.” My quirks and my goofiness are what make me, me. I don’t like hopping onto every trend, and that’s okay. I may not be the kind of person everyone “gets,” but I’d rather be authentic. I know I won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, and frankly, some people don’t even like tea. But I’m perfectly fine with that. What I won’t do is try to fit into everyone’s expectations of me just to avoid the word “difficult.” That’s exhausting, and I’ve retired from exhaustion.
Here’s the thing bestie, difficult is not always a bad word. Sometimes it just means you have boundaries. Sometimes it means you know what you deserve and you won’t settle for crumbs when you’re worthy of a whole loaf of bread. Sometimes it means you won’t be convinced that just because everyone else is nodding along, you should nod too. If that’s “difficult,” then maybe we need more difficult people. Because the alternative is to live your life constantly shape-shifting to keep others comfortable, while you feel misplaced inside.
When you start embracing the so-called difficult parts of yourself, you find freedom. Freedom to say no without writing a whole essay of apologies. Freedom to dress how you want, even if it doesn’t land you in a Pinterest board. Freedom to laugh at your own jokes, even if no one else finds them funny (their loss, really). Freedom to enjoy the simplicity of being yourself.
Funny thing I’ve noticed is that people who once called you difficult start to respect you when they realize you’re unbothered. It’s like the label loses its power the moment you stop running away from it. Difficult stops being an insult and starts being a badge of individuality. You’re not impossible, you’re just unwilling to hand over the manual of yourself to anyone who doesn’t care enough to read it.
So the next time someone calls you difficult, smile. Maybe even thank them. Because what they might actually be saying is, “You’re not like everyone else, and I don’t quite know how to handle that.” And that’s okay. You weren’t born to be handled, you were born to live fully, laugh loudly, love deeply, and stand firmly in your truth. If that truth makes you difficult, then welcome to the club, we have snacks!
If you could redefine the word “difficult” in your own terms, what would it mean?
I’d love to hear from you.
Thanks a bunch for sticking around.
See you next time, bye!🤎