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She's the eldest daughter...
No one really prepares her for that role, not in words anyway. It just happens. The expectations start stacking up before she even realizes they’re there. All the unspoken rules and the emotional spreadsheets. She's not just a sibling, she's a third parent, full-time role model, unofficial therapist, and occasionally the family’s human shield. And no, she doesn't get paid for overtime.
From a young age, she's been taught sometimes directly, sometimes just by how things are done, that she's the one to handle things. She makes sure her siblings don’t burn the house down, they are fed, they don't get hurt, they are bathed, they are disciplined, and their school work is completed! And to her parents, she's the emotion translator. Translating moods, easing tensions, filling in the gaps where the adults fall short. She’s expected to support, not question. Obey, not challenge. Being “the eldest” doesn’t just mean responsibility, it means loyalty without complaint, silence in the name of respect, and maturity before she’s even had a chance to be a child!
She’s not just raised, she’s molded into the "good girl," the polite one, the dependable one. She's been brought up to be likable so everyone’s comfortable around her, to be perfect so no one has to worry about her, and to be strong so she can carry what others won’t. Praise only came when she performed well, stayed composed, and made life easier for everyone else. There was no room for too much emotion, too many needs, or too many mistakes. The standard wasn’t just high, it was unattainable. It was a prison of its own.
And the guilt? Oh, she’s a loyal friend.
Didn’t answer her mother's call? Guilt.
Took a break instead of checking in with everyone? Guilt.
Dared to say “no” or set a boundary? GUILT! GUILT! GUILT!
Then one day something in her snaps....
She decides she just wants to be a girl. Not the glue. Not the planner. Not the “example.” Just a girl who doesn’t have to carry everything all the time. You'd expect THEM to be happy for her, for finally choosing herself, wanting to be better because she deserves it, sadly, they don't!!
They call her mean, disrespectful and angry...
NO! She's not being mean or cold or angry,
She's just tired...
Tired of being the one who always holds it together!
Tired of always being the strong one!
The one who matured too fast!
The one who didn’t have the option to fall apart, because if she did, who would hold the rest of them up?
Tired of being the reliable one!
Tired of being the backup adult. The fixer!
The one people turned to, but never had one for herself!
So now, when she finally sets boundaries, when she finally stops being everyone's doormat, when she stops over-explaining, when she says “not today”… they don’t know what to do with her. The sad part? They don't know how to love her when she's not being useful!
To every eldest daughter reading this, I see you bestie. I know the weight you carry, the way you give so much even when your own cup is running low. You’ve done so much for everyone else, and I want you to know that you are not invisible. You are deeply loved, and you are worthy of softness, happiness, and every beautiful thing this life has to offer. You were never born to just play a role or be what others needed you to be. You’re here to live. To thrive. To take up space, feel deeply, and finally, be yourself.
What part of this post spoke to you the most?
I’d love to hear from you.
Thanks a bunch for sticking around.
See you next time, bye!🤎